A tale of two wolves

I'm a lover of stories, as is the nature of a communicator.

And the best stories make us think. Below I share my favorite story from Native American traditions that helped and inspired me examine the importance of embracing all feelings - the "good", the "bad", and everything in between. This story has been told many times in different variations. This version is my favorite.

A tribal elder speaks to his grandchild. 

"An eternal battle rages inside me," he says. "It is between two powerful wolves. One is anger, envy, sorrow, regret, arrogance, guilt, and ego. The other wolf is joy, love, hope, humility, kindness, and empathy." 

He continued, "this same fight goes on inside of you and everyone else as well." 

The grandchild thought about the grandfather's words and asked, "Which wolf will win?"

The grandfather smiled and replied, 

"If you feed them right, they both win." 

"But how? Don’t you want joy to win?" asked the child.

"Mmm, if I only acknowledge the joyous wolf, the angry wolf will hide in the dark, waiting for me to make a misstep so he can pounce and get the attention he craves,” said the grandfather. “He will always be fighting joy. But, if I recognize him and accept him, both wolves can be satisfied and live together as brothers." 

He continued, "The angry wolf is not bad. He has qualities I need that the joyous wolf lacks. He has tenacity, fearlessness, the strength of will, and resourcefulness. The joyous wolf provides compassion, a caring heart, and he may not choose what is best for me as he may focus on valuing the needs of others over my own survival."

"The two wolves need each other. Feeding one and starving the other will make them uncontrollable. Caring for both allows them to serve equally. Together they help me do something greater. Feed them both and you will quiet their struggle for attention. When there is no battle inside, you can hear the voices of their deeper knowledge guide you in choosing the wise and balanced path in every circumstance."

"This inner peace is what we must all strive for in life little one. How you choose to treat the opposing forces within you, can determine how you live.”

In the past, I ignored my "tenacious wolf" and gave in to toxic positivity. By not feeling those "bad" feelings, I realized I was avoiding experiences I could learn from and repair. I was living inauthentically. I was making myself available as what some may call, a doormat.

I was also disconnecting from others as they would share their sorrow, looking for understanding, and I would dismiss them by spinning only to the positive. I couldn't tap into my empathy because my own access to sorrow was closed off.

Humans are complex. We need to be heard, share genuine human emotions, and gain support and connection when experiencing difficulty. All feelings are valid and can be dialectic - like the two wolves from the story. Identifying and voicing these feelings was, and still is, the first step to understanding the wolves within me and others.